Bunny’s got a few eggs in her basket…

It’s that time of year again. Spring is in the air, and the juices are flowing like rain. Stop waiting for your flower to bloom, and take control of the situation with stellar stripper techniques from girls who embrace day-glo and bunny ears all year round.

This recipe is for all those men who can’t take a hint. Because classy lovers won’t push your head down.

Ingredients:

A razor and shaving cream
Feminine deodorant spray
Moderate upper-body strength
A demure robe
Cheekie undies
An innocent victim

Bunny’s Recipe

1.) Shave your butt. Or at least your crack. It’s a well-known fact that dancers shave everything, but the everyday woman usually ignores her other vertical smile. However, when your ass is your moneymaker, you’re going to make sure it’s clean and smooth. No one wants to see little toilet paper shredding or ass hair hanging out of your thong. If you don’t think you have hair growing out your crack, you probably just haven’t checked. Maybe you’re not that hairy, but you want to feel confident about your derriere, because your behind is going to be inches from your lover’s face.
Shaving Tips: Make sure you stay in the shower at least five minutes to open up your pores and make shaving easier. Lather that crack. Pull a part one cheek at a time, and make sure your skin remains taut. Shave slowly with minimal pressure, from the bottom of your crack, (where your cheek meets leg) to the top. Repeat with other cheek. Voila! Your crack is as smooth as a porn star’s!

2.) Wait a few minutes, then spray your vajayjay with some deodorant spray. Some girls don’t like to fuss with their body’s natural scents, but all creases sweat, so if you plan on hunting for eggs all afternoon, I suggest you wipe your rabbit before you hop into your lingerie.

3.) Put on some bootylicious panties. If you haven’t figured it out yet, your butt is really the focal point of this whole scenario, so you want to enhance it. The most flattering undies are low-rise “cheekie” panties. As the name suggests, they let a good portion of your cheeks hang out the bottom. They are more flattering than a thong, making your butt look rotund, and also not as revealing. As women, it is our responsibility to tease men, as sometimes it may be our only fulfillment.
However, today is your day. Put on those cheekie undies, and cover up with a robe. Bunny is full of tricks, so she suggests the frumpiest of cover-ups. “The uglier the robe, the more unsuspecting the victim,” and you want to catch him off guard. You always knew that muumuu would come in handy.

4.) Let him watch his T.V. for once. Go about your household business. Pretend you don’t care that Sarah Jessica is on Conan. Wait until the show is wrapping up, perhaps until the last commercial break before the end, and then make your move.

5.) Walk over, and stand in front of him. Tell him you’re bored, and demand that he entertain you. Drop your disguise to reveal your true vamp.

6.)You are half naked and halfway to enlightenment. Lean over him with your boobs in his face, while caressing the back of his head. Let him kiss your neck and chest, but don’t kiss him on the mouth. Making out leads to penetration, and this is about you being in control.
Crouch down slowly, while simultaneously spreading his legs with your body. Let your breasts graze his face, his chest, and then his groin. He probably thinks a blowjob is in the making, poor thing.
Stroke the growing mound of fabric between his legs. Then rub it a little with the top of your head. Continue teasing in this manner.

7.) Keeping your head down between his legs, straighten your legs so that you are standing. You should be bent over, while your head remains by his groin. Try to be smooth about this transition. While standing, continue moving your head in a circular motion against his crotch, caressing his legs, and looking into his eyes occasionally. Make sure his legs are at a 90 degree angle, feet firmly planted on the ground.

8.)Now, look at your knees. Latch your arms around his thighs, making sure you have a decent grip. Bracing your shoulders against the front of his thighs, do a front somersault into your partner. You must be careful not to smash your ass into their face. You want him fully conscious. Use your abs to control the speed of your legs. Let them down slowly on either side of his head.

9.)You should be completely upside down with your butt in his face. Hopefully, you feel fairly stable in this position, but if he moved his body at all, and his legs straightened, you will feel unsteady and there’s no way to adjust without getting down and starting over.
If you are comfortable with being upside-down, there are a few moves you can try. You can bring your legs straight up and shake them to jiggle your butt, or bend your knees and spread your legs like a frog. You can close your legs and lower them so that they are parallel with his legs. You can also arch your back to get him closer to your crotch instead of your ass. This is also a very flattering position, because your arched back and gravity are smoothing out your tummy bulge.

10.) Once you are done teasing him mercilessly, demand that he take off your panties. If he doesn’t understand his purpose from here, I’d go ahead and strangle him with my legs.