Some parts of the country are slower than others. Things like fashion can be a little bit….behind the times.  This also goes for locations. Places like strip clubs. High-cut thongs and frosted hair are still very much in style in certain areas yonder the Mason Dixon. That being said, Jezebel loves her Papasan chair, and frankly, I do too. Remember, old is new again. Let your papa give you some “Zaaaa.”

Ingredients:

A round cushion cradled by a mobile rotund wooden structure, placed atop a circular base. Known as a Papasan.

A sexy boy, as per usual. A necessary ingredient for every recipe.

Recipe:

1.)    Retrieve a Papasan via your time machine/your parents’ basement/a local Goodwill. Repeat after me: PapaSAN. Rhymes with dawn. Not a pizza joint. I’m not promoting public sex at said place.

2.)    Place your new vehicle of love in a corner for added stabilization. Pray the wooden base isn’t weakened by years of spilled bong water.

3.)    If you’re feeling a little feisty, you can role-play. That retro lingerie can be put to good use, and you finally have an excuse to finish off your pot…not that you needed a reason. Put on some CSN&Y. If you don’t know what this acronym stands for, you don’t deserve to get groovy, man.

4.)    Get intimate. The awesome thing about a Papasan, and perhaps one reason they were so hot in the 70s, is that they seem to convey comfort. A Papasan will cradle your stoned-ass when your anxiety gets the best of you. And if you are sharing this special seat with another, you’re forced to sit right up on them. The concave shape of the chair forces this intimacy.

5.)    Make love, not pizza. Take it slow. Your Papasan is probably a hand-me-down, and you don’t want to destroy it on its’ first go-round. Jezebel favors the reverse cowgirl, so tilt the cushioned cup downward, so that it’s set at about a 90 degree. You want your dude to be able to sit with his feet flat on the ground; this helps to prevent cutting off  his circulation when you jump on board.

6.)    Hop on. If you want a moderate speed, you can ride him backwards with your feet on the ground. This gives you more leverage. If you want to be slow and sexy (or you’re just stoned and lazy), you can curl your legs underneath your body and straddle him, using the outside edge of the cushion’s wicker frame to brace yourself. From here, you can control your speed solely through your grip on the chair’s skeleton.

7.)    If he insists on giving it to you, you have a few options. If he is a tall man, you can tilt the chair so it’s practically vertical, and sit on the edge. He will be forced to his knees (just how we like ‘em), and he can thrust easily while you lounge on your back. Once again, you can control your own range of motion by gripping the sides of the frame. The most graceful place for your legs, is up against his torso with your feet around his neck; otherwise, you’ll look like a drooling starfish on it’s back.

8.)    If he’s content on eating a slice, the Papasan’s mobility once again delivers a delicious position. Just lean the cushioned seat all the way back, completely horizontal, so that the indented “seat” area is literally aligned with the base… you know, like a wine glass. From his position on the ground, he can lap it up leisurely.

9.)    From here, your pizza-boy can stand, comfortably roll you into a little ball of dough, and poke to his heart’s content. Why take-out when you can dine-in?